Bored Questless
(c) Isabo Kelly

"Kaxem."

"What?"

"There's a princess asleep two kingdoms over."

"So?"

"So...it's a spelled sleep."

"And...?"

"And we should go try to wake her up."

"What?" Kaxem turned his large head toward the blue dragon loafing around the center of his cave.

"You know like in the story--with a kiss maybe."

"Why in the two worlds would we want to do that?" He looked back at his book, tracing a talon down the table of contents.

"I don't know. Cause it's something to do."

"'Cause it's something to do.' Rebop, what is that suppose to mean?" Kaxem looked up from the book to scowl at his oldest and most annoying friend.

Rebop shrugged, a gesture that moved one wing dangerously close to a pile of Kaxem's books. "Do you have anything else to do?"

Kaxem rolled his eyes and turned his back to the lolling Rebop. Shaking his head, Kaxem placed his book on a nearby stack and picked up a new one. His cliff cave was filled with these pillars of books--and very little else.

"So shall we go, Red?" Rebop poked at Kaxem's wing impatiently.

"Stop that," Kaxem slapped Rebop's talon away. "And don't call me Red. Where are we going?"

"To Polsidia, the princess, remember?!"

Kaxem looked up from the spell book he'd picked up. "Now, explain to me again why we would want to wake up this princess?"

"Well... Maybe there's a reward."

"We don't need a reward. What does the princess look like?"

"I don't know for sure. I mean I've never seen her, but I've heard she's around 5'4", blond hair, green eyes..."

"Wait a minute, you mean she's an elf?"

"No," Rebop said through the side of his mouth.

"Wrong color hair for a pixie." Kaxem's brow ridges lowered over his large purple eyes. "Is she a fairy?"

"No. She's a human."

"HUMAN!" Kaxem dropped his book. "Are you serious? Wake up a human? Kiss a human? Do you know what kind of germs it could have? Yuck. Besides, what would you do with a human princess once you woke her up--provided you could even wake her up."

"What was the first question?"

"Are you serious?"

"Well... Maybe she's a dragon bespelled by an evil witch--like that frog prince in Dovenshire, remember--and a kiss will turn her back into a dragon."

Kaxem's brow ridges knitted together in the dragon equivalent of a scowl. "I thought the kiss was suppose to wake her up."

"Well, that too." Rebop picked up the forgotten spell book and placed it on the top of a perilously tall stack. "Say," he said plucking a book from the middle of a stack that Kaxem only barely kept from toppling, "can I borrow this one?"

"Sure." Kaxem re-balanced the stack. "Now could you please explain to me why anyone would turn a dragon into a human, then put her to sleep?"

"Well, maybe an evil witch turned her into a human. Then her fairy godmother put her to sleep so she wouldn't have to suffer the torture of being human."

"That's absurd. Where did you hear about all this anyway?"

Rebop scratched the top of his head, carefully removing several loose blue scales. "Well, I heard it from Tarsina who heard it directly from Melina who's just returned from Polsidia."

"Melina! Melina is old and crazy!"

"Just because her horn curves at the end, doesn't mean she's crazy. Your horns curve in, Red, and that doesn't make you crazy."

"I'm not a unicorn, Rebop. And don't call me 'Red'. You know perfectly well my scales are burnt sienna, not red. Furthermore, I'm not flying half the day to wake up a human/dragon princess that may or may not be there because Tarlina heard a story from a crazy unicorn!"

"It was Tarsina, not Tarlina."

"I don't care! I'm not going!" Kaxem turned abruptly, knocking over two stacks of books with his tail, and walked out to the ledge in front of his cave.

Rebop followed close behind, scratching his head with the tip of his tail. "She might have a library." Rebop took up a perch next to Kaxem on the ledge and began scratching the scales on his forearm.

"Are you shedding again?" Kaxem asked without looking at him.

"Yes. So what do you think?"

"I think humans never have really good libraries." Kaxem extended his wings, soaking up the early rays of the sun. A shadow crossed over the green valley below, slowly making way for the morning light. Several dragons were already at the stream, wading in for their morning baths.

"Come on," Rebop pleaded. "Just this one last quest. Please!!"

"Oh don't beg, Rebop. All right! I'll go. But I'll be willing to bet we don't find anything."

Rebop simply grinned a grin only a fellow dragon could appreciate, and launched himself into the air leaving a pile of blue scales behind. Kaxem outwardly resigned himself to the situation with a sigh, then more enthusiastically than he wanted to admit, jumped off the ledge and caught a thermal upward to join his hovering friend.

"Ready," Rebop said smugly.

"No," Kaxem replied. "Let's go." They turned west and started toward Polsidia.

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"Would ya look at that line," Kaxem whistled.

"I told you there was something going on." Rebop pumped his wings once in triumph. Below the circling dragons, stood a multi-turreted castle on a hill. Noon day sunlight sparkled on it's white stone walls. Bright yellow flags snapped and sputtered from the highest spires. From the main entrance, across the drawbridge, down and around the hill, and into the forest, stretched a line of creatures ranging from the lowliest gnome to the highest ranking elf, from shining knights to common farmers, from ogres and trolls to fairies and pixies, each awaiting their chance to wake the princess.

"Rebop," Kaxem looked skeptically at the crowd, "that line is not moving very fast. We could be here for a month."

"In all honesty Kaxem, I thought there would be a weeding out process--you know--like a challenge of some sort. Then, only the ones that passed had a chance to wake up the princess."

"Well, maybe we had better ask one of those people. Perhaps there is a challenge and these are the ones that passed."

"Awfully easy challenge, then." Rebop mumbled as the two friends began their descent.

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"Pardon me," Rebop tapped the leprechaun on the shoulder.

"What?" The leprechaun turned, looked up, and took two steps back. "Well!" he huffed indignantly, straightening his purple cap. "And what would you be doing here, dragon?"

"Well you don't have to be rude," Rebop bristled.

"And you should have announced yer mass before sneaking up on a leprechaun like that."
"Mass! What do you mean calling me Mass?"

"Rebop," Kaxem placed a restraining claw on his friends forearm, "he just meant your size."

"So what brings yer kind to this event?" The leprechaun continued to glare at Rebop while he straightened his green tunic and made a show of brushing dirt from the sleeve.

"Is this the line to wake up the princess?" Kaxem asked trying a smile which only started the leprechaun shuddering.

"Aye, yer in the right line. And at the right end I might add. Pretty quick for dragons, aren't you?"

Kaxem took a soothing breath. Rebop returned the leprechaun's glare. "I don't like the little fellow much, Kaxem. What say I step on him. Then we'd be one up in line."

The leprechaun blanched, took another step backward and bumped into the troll standing next up in line. "Watch it, dwarf," the troll growled, then turned forward again to continue his quiet waiting. The leprechaun stepped away from the troll, finding it healthier not to point out the troll's mistake. Looking back at the dragons, he saw the toothy smile they exchanged. Huffing to himself in quiet, offended mumbles, he turned his back on the dragons and faced the back of the troll's over large thigh.

"I've never met such a rude leprechaun, Kaxem. Do you think he could have passed the test to get in to see the princess?"

"I don't know, Rebop. Maybe this line leads to the test, then from there those who pass go on to see the princess."

"Awfully complicated," Rebop said.

"Or maybe the line is the test." Rebop and Kaxem both turned to see the human woman that had walked up behind them unnoticed. Her long red hair hung in two plaits one over each shoulder of her green leather tunic. Green eyes blinked in a white heart-shaped face.
"Now there's an interesting notion." Kaxem scratched his jaw. "I've never read of anything like that before."

"It's just a thought." The red haired woman shrugged. "I don't really know for sure one way or the other. By the way, my name is Gretta."

"I'm Kaxem, and this is my friend Rebop."

"Rebop. That's a strange name for a dragon."

"I was named after my mother's grandfather," Rebop answered pleasantly. He got that question a lot.

"Well, it's nice to meet you both," Gretta said, nodding to each.

"Rebop," Kaxem said, "I never knew you were named after your great-grandfather. I just thought your mom was a little weird."

"Oh, no. She was just very fond of her grandfather. Gretta, what brings you to this line? Are you going to try waking up the princess?"

"Actually, I'm just a sort of pack mule. I've brought a prospective with me from over the mountains." She turned to show the black leather backpack she wore.

"What do you have in there, some sort of trick to wake the princess?" Rebop poked the backpack with one sharp talon.

"Watch that poking!" a muffled shout came from the pack and a small head appeared from the top. The little man had long brown hair and a brown beard that disappeared down into the pack. He scowled up at the blue scaled face that loomed in front of his. "Do you mind, you oaf?"

"What in the two worlds is that?" Rebop asked the woman.

"I can very well answer for myself you oversized lizard. I am Gerald O'Gram, dwarf of the Octimom Mount."

"He's going to try waking up the princess," Gretta supplied.

"You are exceptionally good at saying the obvious," he huffed.

"Why on the two worlds would a dwarf want to wake up a human princess?" Kaxem asked of no one in particular.

"Same reason as all the rest of you grubbers. The reward! Gold beyond even a dwarf's dreams."

"That's a lot of gold," Rebop added helpfully.

"Are you sure about this reward," Kaxem asked.

"Of course, you giant tomato. Why else would anyone travel all the way to Polsidia to wake up a human?"

"I am not red," Kaxem pouted. "I'm burnt sienna."

"You're a fool like the rest of these grubbers. None of you stand a chance of wakin' that girl," Gerald shouted. Those hopefuls within hearing range grumbled rude replies, then returned to their silent waiting.

"Do you know the secret to waking the princess up?" Rebop asked with genuine interest.

"Oh don't pay too much attention to him," Gretta piped in pleasantly. "He talks big, but he doesn't know any more than the rest."

"Gretta, would you kindly keep your overworked mouth shut!" the dwarf shouted.

"Oh hush up, you old grouch. I may have to carry you around, but I don't have to put up with your oversized ego or your surly temperament."

"Humph!" Gerald grunted, turning his back as best he could on Gretta and the two dragons. Gretta smiled then looked back at Rebop.

"Gretta," Rebop asked, "why do you have to carry Gerald around?"

"I lost a bet." She shrugged. "Do you have any ideas about waking up the princess?"

"Well, I thought maybe a kiss would work."

"Possibly. But wouldn't you need lips?" She looked pointedly at the two dragon's large, teeth filled, lipless mouths. Kaxem and Rebop looked at each other, then back at the woman.

"I forgot about lips," Rebop said with a shrug.

"That's okay. I mean, everyone has probably already thought about a kiss anyway. Everything nowadays is cured with a kiss. I can't imagine this line would still be this long if all it took was a kiss to wake her."

"Maybe the kiss has to come from someone specific," Kaxem piped in. The circumstances were not much to his liking, but Kaxem could never resist a theoretical discussion.

"Perhaps the answer's in this book," Rebop said, presenting a book for the group to see.

"'102 Ways to Wake Up a Sleep Spelled Princess'," Gretta read the title.

"Where'd you get that?" Kaxem gaped at his friend.

"From your stacks. It's the book I asked to borrow, remember?"

"Oh, yes, of course. I'd forgotten about that. You know, I didn't realize I had a book titled '102 Ways to Wake Up a Sleep Spelled Princess'."

"Maybe you should start keeping a list of all the books you have."

"I'll consider that when we get home. In the mean time, I say we look over the 102 ways to wake up a princess and see if one way applies to our situation."

"But how do we know which will apply to our situation, when we're not exactly sure what 'our' situation is?" Gretta wrinkled her brow and curled one side of her mouth up.

"You're right, of course," Kaxem said. "First, we must assess exactly what our situation is. Now, what facts do we have?"

"Well, we know there's a princess," Rebop said.

"And we know she's asleep," Gretta added.

"Brilliant!" Gerald exclaimed. "With so much intellect at work, you'll have the problem solved any minute now."

Everyone choose to ignore the dwarf.

"We're also pretty sure she's a human princess," Kaxem continued as if Gerald hadn't spoken. "That should narrow things a bit. How is the book arranged, Rebop?"

"Well, there are individual sections, but they're divided by spell casters not castees. We have to know who put the princess to sleep."

"That's easy." Gretta brightened. "Don't you fellas keep up with your history. The Polsidian Royal Family has been plagued by the same evil witch for the past two centuries. Every couple of decades or so, someone in the Royal Family manages to insult the witch, and she doles out some spell or other as punishment. One story claims she sent thousands of warty toads to over run the castle." Gretta shuddered. She did not like toads at all.

"Now you're sure the spell caster is an evil witch and not a fairy or sprite or something, right?" Kaxem asked.

"Positive. She's definitely an evil witch."

"Let me see," Rebop ran his talon down the books table of content, "evil witch, evil witch... Ah! Here we are- 'Evil Witch.' 'Poisoned Apple, Pricked Finger, Scented Rose'...." Rebop read the subsections.

"To bad there's not a general spell for waking a human sleep spelled princess," Kaxem said.

"'General Spell for Waking a Human Sleep Spelled Princess'," Rebop read.

"Marvelous, Rebop. That makes this a lot simpler."

"Okay, page 264." Rebop began flipping pages.

"'Page 264'!" Gretta exclaimed. "But there are only 102 spells in that book. Why so many pages?"

"Oh, well, there's a lot of background information. See, this chapter begins with a short description of 'Evil Witch', then goes on to discuss possible motivations, psychology, variations, mistakes, etc..." Rebop held the book up for Gretta to see.

"Each spell may take up more than one page also," Kaxem chimed in. He simply loved spells.

"So what does the 'General Spell for Waking a Human Sleep Spelled Princess' have to say," Gretta asked.

"Yes, how does it work?" Gerald said, suddenly very interested.

"Hold on, now." Rebop pulled the book back against his chest. "Why should we share this with you, dwarf? I mean if there is a reward you might try to cheat us out of it."

"The book is mine, after all." Kaxem took a half step toward the dwarf.

"Now just hold on." Gerald held up his little hands to ward off the glares of the two dragons. "What would you two say to a deal? We could share what's in the book and then split the reward."

"And why would we want to do that? The book is ours. We could have the whole reward." Rebop smiled at his own cunning.

"Yes, but then you would be waiting in this line all day and probably well into tomorrow." The dwarf grinned and paused for effect. "I have a way for all of us to get to the front of this line in a snap."

Rebop and Kaxem exchanged looks before Rebop said, "That doesn't sound fair to the rest of these folks who've been waiting in line for what I can only assume has been a long time."

"How do we know the line's not just an illusion?" the dwarf asked through a knowing grin, his bushy brown eyebrows disappearing into his hair line.

"The challenge..." Gretta whispered all their thoughts.

"Can you tell if the line is an illusion before you move us to the front?" Kaxem asked. He could just remember reading something on this topic very recently.

"That's all part of it, dragon," Gerald shouted, bouncing a bit in the backpack.

"I don't understand," Rebop rumbled, scratching blue scales from his jaw.

"Simply put, the spell I have will only move us to the front of the line if the line is an illusion. Otherwise, nothing happens."

"What do you think, Kaxem?" Rebop asked.

"I think I believe the dwarf, Rebop."

Gerald's smile actually managed to get bigger.

"But I don't trust him."

Gerald's smile turned down.

"You're right about my obnoxious little burden here," Gretta said. "But for a deal to be struck you must try to trust each other a little bit. Otherwise, we are at an impasse. If you dragons give the spell first, Gerald could move only himself and wake up the princess before you could catch him. But if Gerald moves us first, you could still refuse him the spell."

"Thank you for that insightful analysis, Gretta," Gerald said dryly. Everyone ignored him.

"I have an idea," Rebop said. "What if we gave Gerald most of the spell, all but the last line, then he moves us all, then we go to the princess together and finish the spell together."

"You're requiring that I trust you overgrown lizards quite a lot," Gerald huffed. "What good does half a spell do me? You could still refuse me the rest once we move."

"If we give our word of honor..." Kaxem began.

"Bah!" Gerald shouted.

"If we left out only two words?" Rebop ventured.

"Ah! Now that I might be willing to go along with." Gerald pulled at his beard.

"Is it a deal then?" Gretta asked.

Both dragons and dwarf nodded in unison.

"Rebop, let me read the spell," Kaxem said. "I'll know which two words to leave out." Rebop handed Kaxem the book. Kaxem read:

"Through trails and tricks I've come, this princess to wake. With magical words, her eyes will I open. Levan nock tura newara _______ pake. Tu ora lo ________ emena havake."

"You read that wonderfully, Kaxem," Rebop complimented.

"Thank you, Rebop."

"Well, you picked two perfect words, dragon. That spell will fall flat if the wrong words are used," Gerald grumbled appreciatively.

"If the right combinations of wrong words are used, that spell could be dangerous," Gretta commented.

"Your turn, dwarf," Kaxem said.

"All right, then. Let me down, girl," Gerald ordered.

With his feet finally on the ground, the dwarf began to chant so low and in such a strange tongue, that neither of the dragons could understand. So intently were they all watching the dwarf, that no one noticed the subtle changes going on around them. When Gerald finished his chant, the dragons looked up to discover they were standing at the foot of the drawbridge to the castle. The line had disappeared.

"That was very good," Rebop said to the dwarf.

"I was expecting a sensation of some sort," Kaxem said, "but I didn't feel a thing." Both dragons looked at each other with gaping mouths.

"Shall we go find the princess?" Gretta smiled and gestured toward the castle's open portcullis.

They walked over the drawbridge, through the gates and into the courtyard of the castle. "Where do you suppose she is, Kaxem," Rebop whispered.

"I don't know, Rebop. It's awfully big, isn't it."

"I would guess she's in the top room of the tower," Gretta suggested quietly, pointing to the castle's central tower.

"That's quite a climb. Do you suppose we'll fit in that room?" Rebop whispered to Kaxem.

"Oh, I should think so, Rebop," Kaxem whispered back. "That's a very large tower."

"And I'm sure they've made allowances for dragons," Gretta whispered to both dragons.

"Why are you fools whispering!" Gerald bellowed.

"Shhhh," Rebop chided the dwarf. "The princess is sleeping."

"I know she's sleeping you giant blue frimpet. That's why we're here. TO WAKE HER UP!"

"Oh. Yes. Sorry."

"Gerald, can that spell of yours get us into that room?" Kaxem asked.

"Nope. Won't work like that."

"Can't you dragons fly us all up to the window?" Gretta asked.

Kaxem looked up at the large window at the top of the tower and nodded. "I think Rebop and I can fit through that window, but lifting off from the courtyard will be too hard."

"Right, then," Rebop said. "Back out over the drawbridge."

The small group followed Rebop to a clearing just the other side of the drawbridge. Gretta helped Gerald back into the backpack, then Rebop gave them both a gentle lift up to Kaxem's neck.

"Hold tight now," Kaxem warned. "Lift off can be a bit jerky."

The two dragon's pumped their powerful wings and took to the air. They circled once to fix the position of the tower window and to make sure it was big enough for dragons. It was. They glided through the window and came to an abrupt stop inside the towers top room. The large chamber was empty but for a small bed against the wall opposite the window. On the bed lay a small, blond, human girl.

"She's sort of pretty for a human," Rebop commented as he helped Gretta and Gerald off of Kaxem's neck.

"Bah! She's human. They're all pretty ugly," Gerald said. Gretta set the pack down and let the dwarf out again.

"Gretta's human, though, and she's not ugly," Rebop said.

Gerald snorted. Gretta simply shrugged and said, "I'm not really human, Rebop. It's actually quite a long story. I'll tell you all about it sometime."

"Okay," Rebop agreed with a nod.

The group crept quietly to the princess' bed. "Who should recite the spell," Gerald asked, whispering.

"I say we let Kaxem," Rebop said, quietly. "He read it so beautifully the first time."

"Thank you, Rebop. Gerald, do you agree that I read the spell?"

"Now, we're all of the same mind here, right? We are all to split the reward if we wake her?" Gerald looked at the other three closely.

"Of course," Kaxem agreed.

"Fine then, dragon. Read away."

"Rebop, does the spell require any preparation or set up, any special hand gestures," Kaxem asked.

Rebop opened the book, scanned the introductory passage. "None, Kaxem. Since it's a 'general' spell, it simply has to be recited in the presence of the princess."

"Well then, hand me the book and we'll get this little adventure over with at last." Kaxem looked at the spell, then raised his head and solemnly recited the complete passage to the sleeping human. "Through trails and tricks I've come, this princess to wake. With magical words, her eyes will I open. Levan nock tura newara meck pake. Tu ora lo hotra emena havake."

"Has it worked?" Gerald crowded close to the princess' bed and stood on his toes to see the girl's face. "Is she waking?"

All four watched breathless as first the princess' eyes fluttered then opened. She blinked several times, turned to look at her saviors, and said, "You've come. I knew I could get all of you together." The four would-be heroes stared at the girl.

Gretta was the first to recover. "You mean you were expecting us the whole time," she asked.

"Well, not you specifically. The diviner was only able to predict that there should be two dragons, a dwarf, and a pixie."

"Pixie!" Kaxem and Rebop exclaimed in unison.

"I told you I wasn't really human," Gretta shrugged.

"That was part of the problem," the princess interjected. "I was sure that I could get two dragons and a dwarf to cooperate given the proper circumstances, but I was very worried about a pixie getting involved. Especially with a dwarf."

"Hazards of gambling," Gretta said through a crooked smile.

"As it stands, you four did find each other and managed to cooperate enough to get here and awaken me. That was no small feat. Fegil will be so pleased."

"Hold on a bloomin' minute," Gerald shouted, throwing his short arms into the air. "Is there a reward or not? Who's this Fegil? Why a dwarf, two dragons and a pixie? What the blazes is going on here, princess!?!"

"Fegil is the diviner who foresaw your coming. But the sleeping princess part was my idea. Say, how long was I asleep anyway?"

"About three weeks," Rebop provided.

"That's all? Well I could swear it was longer. Anyway..."

"I still don't get it," Gerald complained.

"It's simple, sir. You ask of a reward. Your reward is to receive your hearts' desire. Adventure."

"Adventure?" all four said at once.

"My heart's desire is gold," Gerald said under his breath.

"Adventure, friends. Each of you has been craving adventure for most of your lives. My kingdom requires the help of brave individuals like yourselves. Fegil looked to the spirit world to find our hope and saw you four. And now you are here at last, despite all misgivings, and you've proven yourselves more than worthy of the tasks that lie ahead. Destiny guides us. You four have been chosen by fate to accompany me into history. From this day on you will live the lives you have always craved. Get ready, my new friends, for you are about to begin the greatest adventures of your life times!"

The stunned silence lasted for a full minute. Then Gerald said, "I'd rather have the gold."

"Yeah," Rebop said, scratching at a loose scale. "I think I'd rather just have the gold too."

"What do you mean?" the princess asked wide eyed. "There is no gold. You're supposed to want adventure."

Kaxem looked at Rebop and raised his brow ridges. Rebop shrugged and covertly twirled a clawed finger around his temple, then looked back at the princess. "Sorry, princess, but I don't think we'll take the adventure."

"Are you sure there's no gold," Gerald asked pleadingly.

"What gold!?!" the princess shouted.

"Such a rude princess," Gretta commented dryly.

"Rebop, we'd better be going," Kaxem said nodding toward the window. The princess threw her legs over the edge of the bed, looking frantically at her four would-be heroes.

"It was very nice to meet you, princess," Rebop said. Gretta helped Gerald back into the pack, mumbling, "I've got to give up gambling with dwarves." Rebop once again helped them both onto Kaxem's neck.

The princess, now on her feet, frantically waved her arms and yelled "Wait! Wait!"

As the two dragons leapt from the tower window, Kaxem said, "Rebop, why was your great-grandfather named Rebop?"

"He wasn't," Rebop said. "He was named Bop.

THE END

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